


Clickbait Cooking

by Tortellini



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Bad Cooking, Baking, Based on a Tumblr Post, Cooking, Creepy, Creepy Fluff, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Holidays, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Night Vale, Slice of Life, Stress Baking, Surreal, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Dinner, Typical Night Vale Violence, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 19:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14900552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: Cooking in Night Vale isn't ever as easy as it should be, and certainly not for Carlos.Oneshot/drabble





	Clickbait Cooking

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [This post](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/388730) by thebibliosphere. 



Carlos was going to try to cook. He knew that wheat and wheat byproducts were dangerous by now of course, so he was going to be careful. But cooking was something Carlos had liked before he had even come to Night Vale. So it wouldn't hurt. 

He googled a recipe. 

_"Ridiculously easy buttermilk biscuits!"_

With a shrug, he clicked the link. 

It was a novella about finding inner peace in suburbia. 

Carlos didn't even know he was disturbed until now. 

* * *

It was actually Thanksgiving right now. Cecil had decided he was going to cook a small, but elaborate dinner for him and Carlos. He was really excited to try and cook. 

"You're sure this is the right link?" Carlos asked, looking over his husband's shoulder curiously. 

"Yes! We need to look at the green beans."

So the link is clicked. 

_"Ridiculously easy green beans!"_

There were twelve ingredients. None of them were even green beans to begin with. 

* * *

It became sort of like a freaky hobby of Carlos' then. It wasn't even like this was one weird website. This was just how Night Vale was. All of it. 

He clicked on another link. Cecil wasn't home. 

" _Ridiculously easy salted pistachio caramel latte coffee cake in three easy steps!"_

...but there were twelve steps. 

* * *

Around Cecil's birthday--how old was he though? What year was it even?--Carlos decided to try to cook something fancy for the love of his life. This meant googling another recipe, of course. 

_"Ridiculously easy marshmallow fondant!"_

When he clicked the link this time he found another novella about suburbia. This time it was about the dangers of feeding chemicals to your children. 

Carlos wondered when he acquired these children. He worried about their eyes. 

Their eyes were too bright, too happy, too shining...

* * *

_"Ridiculously easy, easy to make, easy in three minutes, easy!"_

Carlos didn't even know what he was supposed to be making. But he was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be hissing like this.

* * *

"Ridiculously easy," the article read. "Easy, it's so easy, so easy!"

Carlos heard laughing. His face hurt. Why did his face hurt like this?

* * *

"It's so easy," he told Cecil, and maybe, just maybe, his smile wasn't his own. He could feel his teeth growing.

"It's so easy, you'll hardly feel a thing!"


End file.
